When It All Falls Down

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Two meltdowns in one day, and all before 9am, wonder what the rest of this day is gonna look like. Curiosity strangles me when I think of what life would be like sans the drama and constant frustration I find myself plagued with from one day to another.

The problem with having problems is that one problem, no matter how unrelated, seems to connect with another. Then yet another problem tip-toes along and causes a complete breakdown. It’s never the life-altering, mind-boggling, world-shifting happenstances that cause my fury. It’s the teeny, tiny, creeping issues that, after weeks of pinned up passive aggression, cause my sanity to unfurl and explode at volcanic proportions.

Tears, gallons and gallons of tears, produce as I stroll about the day under my own personal black cloud. Where’s, why’s, what-the-hell’s, and whatever’s cloud my ability to regain consciousness and so instead of allowing myself a brief moment of weakness before sobering up, I willingly choose to wallow in the depths of my own pathetic self-pity. Poor little me.

Slowly but surely the cloud turns from black, to gray, to white and before I know it I’ve calmed. No longer carrying rage like king kong on my shoulder. I continue about my day and rely on my acting skills to pretend the whole thing never happened. I can recoup the rest of this day, it doesn’t have to be all bad, right?

Then something else happens. Some teeny, tiny, creeping issue that begins to arouse the volcanic passive aggression within me. My eyes are watering, I can see that cloud turning gray once more, and my stomach is churning with fierce disarray. I’m about to explode. I turn my head downward, squeeze my eyes closed, clinch my fists and prepare myself for the roller-coaster drop that’s about the flip me upside down.

Just then I hear a voice. Whether it’s me inside my own head or the voice of God I cannot say, but somehow this eruption has been avoided. Somehow the cloud miraculously turned back to white and there’s a small glimmer of a rainbow before my eyes. The smoke has lifted, my stomach is calm and peace…or a good sense thereof enters the scene.

…when it all falls down

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